As women, whether we are in the roles of professional, mother, daughter, wife, sister or friend we all go through many ups and downs throughout our lives. Recently, a job that I enjoyed came to an unanticipated and untimely end. I was left to seek employment. The word “untimely” may bring various ideas into anyone’s mind especially the phrase “untimely death”. Actually that is quite on point, losing a job is in part an untimely death, an abrupt halt as we glide down a career path.
When my mother passed away over 19 years ago I learned about the five stages of grief and loss. At that time, I believed that the five stages referred to grief and loss of a loved one. Through the years, I have come to realize that the five stages pertain to the grief of any loss. The five stages have again presented themselves during this time of resume editing, cover sheet writing, employment applications, interviews, thank you notes, and answering questions from concerned individuals.
The five grief stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Hospice provided our family with informational pamphlets on dying and what to expect after the loss of a loved one which included these stages. Information on the stages can be found in various sources including Hospice, books and on the internet. Some of my take-a-ways from the reading materials and life experiences is that we are all made as complex living and breathing individuals who have complex emotions. No one goes through the stages of loss the same as another. No one can guide or push anyone through the stages as it is each individual’s own journey, their way, and in their own time. Another concept that I hold onto as anyone goes through the grief stages is that we are to not be upset with ourselves if we go back and revisit a previous stage. The stages do not have an “order timeline that must be followed”. It doesn’t mean you “fell back or failed” but it could be that you needed a little more time, a little more knowledge or some kind of comfort from that stage.
Some things to keep in mind during the grief stages are to take time for yourself, keep active, allow “quiet time” for introspection, stay contacted with networking groups, talk with a counselor, and to maintain friendships as well as family ties. Most of all embrace this time and learn from it. In the future, you may be helping someone else go through this journey. Whatever, or whenever a loss arises please remember, “This too shall pass.”
By Linda Caporali
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