by Susan Spears, President and CEO, Fredericksburg Regional Chamber of Commerce
“Hi! How are you?” We say, politely, when we meet someone. Instinctively they respond, “I’m good! How are you?” When honestly on most days, nothing could be further from the truth. No matter what kind of day we are having, now is the time for us to be real with each other. It’s 2022.
It feels like everywhere we turn we risk experiencing varying levels of anger, especially online. I don’t know that everyone is really that angry, though – I think we might just be showing up that way. People are tired – exhausted, really. You can feel their worry and frustration just beneath the surface. The gray veil of isolation, confusion, and fear that has spread across our society since March 2020 has left its mark.
We need to understand that we’ve collectively experienced an extended trauma. Our lives as we have known them are different. Even if things are going well for us, we can clearly see that many others are struggling. And we can’t control what happens to us, or around us. We can only control how we respond.
So do we respond to anger with more anger? Or do we shy away from it? Do we respond to social niceties by keeping it light, or do we take a chance and keep it real?
The next time we experience what feels like someone else’s anger, let’s seek to understand. There is a story behind every person’s action and often all they need is for someone to show they care. To demonstrate that their bad behavior will not push you away. To ask a question … or two about what’s going on. To listen.
Everyone wants to be heard. Everyone wants to know someone cares. Everyone wants to be loved.
And no, I don’t mean engage with an internet troll. Stay away from them! And don’t take anything they write personally. Listen to the voices that matter to you. The people who are supporting you, working with you, going through this thing called life with you. Those opinions matter.
Now here’s a big one in 2022. Let’s not allow ourselves to get upset when someone has different views than our own. I’ve found that I can continue to love people on my personal “friends” list by using the “unfollow” feature. We stay connected, I can look them up when I need to, and I don’t need to read their hourly thoughts about hot political topics. Even if I agree with their opinions, when people are too intense in how they share, I have found that it is simply better to unfollow, just as I would remove myself if we were in person.
Careful now – I didn’t say cancel them. See – I’m OK with them thinking differently than me, or expressing opinions in a way that’s not my preferred style – I just don’t need to hear or see it all the time. The perceived negativity stresses me out. Yet when I am intentional about how we remain connected, I can continue to love and respect them as human beings. I know there is so much more to them than just their social media posts. I’ve allowed room for empathy, love and acceptance to remain between us.
I use this thought process when I encounter strangers that seem unhappy as well. I respond with kindness and strength. I calmly repeat their particularly offensive words by saying something like this: “I’m sorry, I think perhaps I misunderstood you. Did you just say … ?” If they are then bold enough to continue, a simple, “Well that’s a real shame …” and a removal of myself from the conversation works. I’ve left them with something to think about and they’re also unable to say I was unkind or rude.
Little things like how we respond can make a huge difference in someone’s life in 2022. We need to acknowledge that this is an incredibly difficult time and yet aren’t we so fortunate to be here to think these things through? Calm hearts and minds always prevail, so let’s lead with them and do all we can to lift others, and ourselves, in the process.
So how are you doing, really? Let’s talk.
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