Holiday Button Reduction Program

Growing up, I absolutely loved to put three little “red hots” on my gingerbread men before I baked them. They were buttons, of course.  One sat centered just between the others, simulating a perfect gingerbread man’s jacket or gingerbread lady’s dress.

Now, “red hot buttons” have a whole new meaning.

In the iPEC coaching world, we teach our clients about buttons and how “People can’t push your buttons if there’s no button for them to push.” Eyes light up when we share these words. YES! It makes so much sense. Now, what can we do about it?

First, it helps to get real. Everybody has buttons. For some, the buttons are big and for others they are small. For some it’s the “I’m not smart enough” button. For others, it’s “I’m a fraud”.

At holiday time, the rush and stress, not to the mention the reunion with certain family members, can result in an excess of button pushing.

And, the bigger the buttons, the easier they are easier for others to push.

Our past experiences, hurts, “mistakes” and what we perceived as “failures” created those buttons. Our inner critics, false assumptions and interpretations keep them flaming red and primed to be pushed. When we react with anger, fear, guilt, upset or a variety of other uncomfortable feelings, it is likely because someone has hit us right where it hurts.

One of my biggest buttons used to be around being called “cute”. As a young girl and teen, I hated it. (I wanted “more Ginger, less Mary Ann” if you know what I mean.) So, when someone pinched my cheek or patted my head while calling me some version of cute, I cringed. It rattled me. It pushed a gigantic button!

As I’ve gotten older, that button has shrunk. In fact, it has almost disappeared. Time, maturity and experience have allowed it to dissipate. Nowadays, if someone calls me “cute,” I may even get a kick out of it.

Now, in my forties, the “cute” button has been replaced with others. It’s through coaching (yes, I have a coach, too), self-coaching, and applying strategies that I’ve learned, that I consciously work to shrink the other buttons.

Here is a summary of an exercise that I find helpful in button busting.  Consider giving this a try yourself:

1. Make a list of your personal and professional buttons.
2. Write the names of the people who tend to push those buttons.
3. Note how you tend to react to those people.
4. Consider why their words/actions irritate you and write your thoughts.
5. Choose how you plan to respond the next time your buttons are pushed.
6. Write about your successes as the buttons shrink and the response improves.

Best wishes on your button reduction program….just in time for the holidays!

Jenna Cooley, CEO of Cooley Coaching & Consulting, is a certified professional life and leadership coach who is passionate about transforming leaders and cultures. She’s presented at a number of Leadership Colloquium @ UMW events.